Seriously Retarded

Call me crazy but wouldn't it be fun to remake some classic movies with an "all retarded cast?"  Like everyone in the movie is a full-blown retard.  And don't get all sensitive about the fact that they're still called retards in certain circles.  Of course they're called retards; they're retarded.  It's like the whole midget/dwarf scenario.  What's it matter what we call you?  You're still you.  A rose by any other name and all that.

So anyway, retards!  All retards!  Think how much more awesome The Godfather would be if every single person was retarded!  "Leave the chew toy, take the parking sticker."  Or Braveheart?  Imagine that shit!  Just a slew of retards charging into battle with rubber weapons and helmets!  Instead of yelling "FREEDOM!" at the end of the film William Wallace could yell something like "DONUTS!"  Or what about Jaws!  Even the shark could be retarded.  The whole movie it just keeps beaching itself and then ends up eating all of the retards that rush down to the shoreline to push him back out to sea.  And instead of the iconic music of Jaws approaching we could have an actual retarded person going, "Dun-dunt.  Dun-dunt.  Dun-dunt.  Dun-dunt."

You have to admit there's some serious potential here.  That's a pretty untapped market.  I mean look at the success of the Special Olympics!  Who would have thought that shit was going to take off?  But it did.  Now every year there's a slew of Special Ed's training like mad men so they can win a participation medal for crashing into hurdle after hurdle.  You can't make this shit up.

And think of how things would go if the retarded movie idea catches any of that steam!  Retarded Movie Premiers!  Retarded Outtakes!  Hell, we could have our very own Retarded Oscars!  I can see it now!  "I'd like to thanks the Academy for chocolate milk and Santa Claus.  I couldn't have done this without my retainer.  I think I'm living proof that dreams don't always end up wet!  Has anyone seen my ducky?"  Every parking spot outside would be painted blue, of course.

I mean; we're really not all that far off form something like this as it is.  Hollywood is so out of new movie ideas that they just keep recycling old classics anyway.  Why not add a little spice to that equation?  Plus, you could probably get away with paying the cast in lollipops and swim toys.  Just saying...