Polish Spoons

Spatula is a strange word.  Say it out loud a few times… spatula… spatula… spatula.  It kind of just turns into a strange sounding word, right?  Is it named after the person who invented it?  You would think so, right?  It's not exactly like spatula is super popular word with multiple meanings.  The only spatula I'm aware of is the kind used to scramble eggs and flip pancakes.

The guy that invented the spatula must have been a hero in the pancake and egg communities.  I mean talk about a revolutionary invention for these guys!  I like to think it went something like this:

"Hey Bob, guess what?"

"What?"

"You don't have to blister your fingers anymore trying to scramble your eggs!"

"Holy shit, are you serious?!  Tell me more…"

"Well I'm glad to hear that you are interested.  You're an educated man that knows a good deal when he sees one, aren't you?"

"You know damn well that I am!"

"Excellent, because I have the product of a lifetime!  It's called a Spatula!" Man pulls out a widdled wooden Spatula from his back pocket.

"A Spatula?  But, hey isn't that your last name, Tom?"

"You are to the point and I commend you for that Bob.  Spatula is indeed my last name.  I figure what's the point of inventing something if nobody knows who invented it.  Am I right, or am I right?"

"Tom, you are 100% right!  So what makes this invention so important?  Why can't I just use my hand?"

"I'm really glad you asked, Bob because I have the answer to that question.  Every morning I wake up, head out to the chicken coupe and come back with a nice basket full of eggs.  My fire's already burning hot because I'm not a man who tolerates a cold floor in the morning (Bob nodes emphatically in agreement) and I head over to my skillet.  I crack a few eggs and wait for physics to do the rest.  But wait a sec!  I don't want my eggs over easy anymore, I want them scrambled!  Has that ever happened to you, Bob?

"Boy has it!  If I had a dollar for every time I changed my mind I could buy a space ship!"

"A space ship!  That sounds expensive Bob and I don't know what that is!  Uncertainty is the devil!  But with a brand new Spatula Brand Spatula you can exercise that demon right out of your kitchen!"

"Wow!  I sure would like to be rid of the devil!"

"Wouldn't we all, Bob, wouldn't we all!  And with my new invention you can rest your mind and your soul!  Ease your way into your morning with a Spatula Brand Spatula.

"Boy, that really sounds amazing, Tom.  I sure am tired of finger blisters and satanic temptation.  But I just don't know if I can afford one."

"Nonsense, Bob!  For a limited time only I'm offering the Spatula Brand Spatula for three easy installments of just $3.33!"

"$3.33!  Why that's under $10!"

"That's right, Bob!  For under $10 you can have the luxury of a wooden hand that doesn't blister or tolerate Satan!  And call me crazy but if you order now I'll throw in another Spatula Brand Spatula for only four more dollars!"

"Four dollars!?  That's like getting an extra Spatula for under half off!"

"That's right Bob but this offer won't last forever.  Order now and start cooking pain free as early as today!"

"Pain-free cooking… now there's a concept!  I'd sure love to get started on that!  But… I'm gonna have to run it by the wife first."

"Of course Bob.  Every good family relies on communication!  And every good family needs to eat!  With a Spatula Brand Spatula you'll be telling the wife, 'hey, i'm not only going to put food on the table.  I'm going to do it without blistering my fingers!'

"Or endangering my soul!"

"Exactly, Bob.  Now you're getting it!  Your wife will think you're the smartest man in the world!"

"She will?  That's great!  I'll take six."



…you know, or something like that.