Things You Never Want to Hear Your Grandmother Say

1. I bet you’re a good kisser.

2. Your grandfather had soft hands too.

3. Twenty years later and I finally find my dildo.

4. I gave up on underwear years ago.

5. Trimming, too.

6. Have I ever told you the story of how I lost my virginity?

7. At this point my gums are nothing more then silly putty.

8. I never expected hair to grow there!

9. If it smells like it died chances are it’s me.

10. Sometimes I need help wiping.

11. You’d be surprised at the different colors the veins in your legs can turn.

12. Porn?  We used to just go horseback riding.

13. I know the cat died, I just don’t know where she’s hiding.

14. Come help Grammy shave down her callouses.

15. One day you’ll have a neck hump, too.

16. Granny can’t afford a mammogram.  Come check me for lumps!

17. Oh that?  That’s my bag of toenail clippings.

18. Role Playing Games?  Is that foreplay?

19. I think I need to go shopping for caskets.

20. At my age burps and farts pretty much smell the same.