EXTREME!!!

        "Are you a new parent?  Are you just now realizing that you’re terrible at it?  Terrified of dropping that little bundle of joy on his head by accident?  Has the thought, 'man I need to get this kid a helmet,' ever crossed your mind?  Well put those worries in “time out” with the all-new Baby Bungee.  That’s right, folks!  The all-new Baby Bungee will ensure that your careless lack of attention toward the well being of your tiny infant offspring will go totally unpunished!"

        “Hey, what is a Baby Bungee?”

       “Well sir, I’m glad you asked!  The all new Baby Bungee was originally discovered when a group of German scientists went on safari into the jungles of the Congo and discovered that the locals would tie a leash-like apparatus made from vines to their children’s feet to ensure they wouldn’t get lost or snatched up by any wild animals.”

        “Geez, that sounds extreme.”

        “It was.  They live in the Congo.  But when those same German scientists got home one of them was so happy to see his wife and newborn son at the airport that he almost knocked the baby clean out of his wife’s arms.  And do you know what would have happened if she didn’t catch the little guy on the way down?”

        “Splat?”

        “Splat is right!  One baby brain omelet coming up!  Well, it was at that point that he realized that the tribesman in the Congo maybe weren’t so crazy.  And that’s when he got the idea for the Baby Bungee.”

        “Wow!  So what does it do?”

        “It’s more like what doesn’t it do!  The all-new Baby Bungee is a device that secures your little guy to your chest with a few handy straps and an elastic cord, or bungee.  This way if you do drop your baby by accident he’s just going to fall a few feet before the bungee snaps him right back into your arms!  Easey-peezey!”

        “Hey, cool word!”

        “Isn’t it?  And do you know what else is cool?  Child safety.  And nothing says cool and safe like the all-new Baby Bungee!  Now… let me ask you a question.  Have you ever been forced to hold a baby while you were trying to light a cigarette?”

        “Boy, have I!”

        “Didn’t you just hate how close the baby’s head came to getting lit on fire?”

        “Boy did I!”

        “Well, with the all-new Baby Bungee you can light your cigarette and insure your baby’s head remains burn-free!”

        “Tell me more!”

        “It’s easy!  With the all-new Baby Bungee you can drop your little guy into free fall, light up your ciggy, and relax as the magic of elasticity saves your child from a future of thumb wrestling his imaginary friends in the loony bin.”

        “Man, I wish my parents had one of those when I was a kid.”

        “I bet you do!  And I bet your hat size would probably be a little different too, huh?”

        “I wore a helmet until I was twelve.”

        “And it shows!  Ahhh, technology!  What would we do without it?”

        “Socialize in person?”

        “Hahahaha, don’t be silly!  We’re not Mormons!”