Ass Wipes

     Why do certain people believe there is a right and wrong way to hang toilet paper?  How did this become a thing?  Right or wrong way?  Did the paper serve your intended purpose?  Then I’d say it worked.  If I feel like my colon is about to unleash hell the last thing I’m worried about is what direction the toilet paper is facing. 

     The real concern should be is there enough?  Will I be able to walk away from the poop with my pride still intact? 

     Running out.  That’s the real problem.  I think very few people would find consolation in having to throw away a perfectly good pair of socks because the toilet paper, although facing the “proper” direction, ran out. 

     And why do people feel the need to put the roll back on the dispenser if it’s off?  Maybe I wanted the toilet paper to stay on the sink.  Maybe I wipe like a mad man and need plenty of space and range. 

     Don’t put the roll back on the dispenser if it’s off.  You wouldn’t take those kinds of liberties with other items in the bathroom.  You wouldn’t rearrange the medicine cabinet because the Percocets weren’t next to the Valume. 

     Leave it alone.  It’s a product whose sole purpose is to wipe shit from your ass.  There is no wrong way to store it.  Unless it’s in the toilet.  In that case you’re shit out of luck.