"The
butthole is really just nature’s pez dispenser."
"I
reuse my Qtips."
"Did
you know that a pig’s orgasm can last up to thirty minutes? Talk about makin bacon."
"I
don’t know… I think Hitler was just really misunderstood."
"I
like to spend time working with the handicapped because you can fart all day
long and nobody suspects it’s you."
(Sniff) "Mmmmm… my grandmother used to wear that same
perfume."
"I
don’t think of them so much as hemorrhoids but more as imperial guards for my
rectal fortress."
"I
can’t help but think about concentration camps on Ash Wednesday."
"A
booger should never end up as a meal but it can suffice as an acceptable
snack."
"All
a man really needs in life is a good dog and a steady supply of peanut butter."
"Back
when I was in Clown College…"
"You
probably can’t tell but I wore a helmet until I was eight."
"For
a straight guy Jesus sure hung out with a lot of dudes, don’t you think?"
"I
keep a bag of toenail clippings next to my porn. I don’t know why but it just feels right."
"It’s
not gay if it happens in prison."
"Crap! I forgot to buy more duct tape on my way
here." (Then makes a sad face)
"Can
you imagine how funny kids would look with pubes?"
"I’m
not allowed near grammar schools."
"I
used a bidet once. I thought it was a
water fountain."
"An
adult diaper holds a lot more then you would think."
