Is
anyone else sick and tired of seeing these God awful antismoking
commercials? The ones where the
cigarette companies try to shock us into not buying their product. Maybe I’m a little screwed up but these ads
are having the opposite affect on me.
I’m not shocked or appalled; in fact I think they’re hilarious.
My favorite one stars the former beauty
queen Terri Hall. You know Terrie… she’s
the chick that looks like she’s been pounding shots of chemo since the
seventies. In her commercial she starts
disconnecting body parts like she’s breaking down stereo equipment and then
wows us with her lovely singing voice.
It’s like her vocal cords are in her colon. I’ve been told that she passed away shortly
after her last commercial and thank God.
At whatever stage of death she was in I think we were suffering more for
sharing her company. So long Terri.
Sounds cruel, I know, but let’s think about
what led sweet little Terri to end up looking like the Crypt Keeper. How many packs of cigarettes does one have to
smoke in order to reach that level of doomed?
It’s not like cigarettes are like sex where you roll the dice and pray
to dodge the old AIDS train. One bad
condom and your life could be ruined.
But not with those blessed cancer sticks.
There’s plenty of time to notice that your physical appearance has
crashed harder then an airplane full of terrorists and yet still she smoked
on. You would think after the first
amputation the dots would start to connect but apparently not. By the time you’re wearing a wig and have
bathtub plug in your Esophagus that requires a battery powered throat amp I’m
thinking it’s too late.
Enough with the shock and awe
campaign. The people of this country are
desensitized enough and I’m willing to bet Terri would have rather been
catching up on her beauty sleep then shooting take after take of her own
personal episode of the Walking Dead.
I just don’t see what the big deal is. When my liver liquefies and sneaks out as a
wet fart from pounding too much scotch should I expect the liquor companies to
make me their spokes model before I sing my swan song? Actually, maybe that’s not a terrible
idea. I take it all back Terri… you were
a good egg.
