-I’ve noticed lately that
there a lot of girls sporting wrist tattoos.
That’s not cute. Do you know who
else liked wrist tattoos? Hitler. Still think that unicorn is adorable?
-Dyslexia was originally a
Jewish problem.
-Have you ever farted as you
were sitting down to poop and then realize your face is now exactly where your
butt just was, and then it hits you… you just farted in your own face?
-Whoever named Bigfoot lacked
some serious creativity.
-Can stroke victims only use
half of their butthole? Are they just shitting
out half moons all the time?
-Every time a bell rings an
angel loses his anal virginity.
-Pedophiles came really close
to being the world’s greatest babysitters.
They just love children a little too much, though.
-Exgirlfriends are a lot like
scabs on your butthole; initially it’s uncomfortable but eventually it flakes
off and the shit passes.
-You know what you never
see? A deaf inspirational speaker.
-Anyone who claims time
travel doesn’t exist has never stepped off a plane in the Deep South.
-If ever you are feeling low
just walk around your local KMART and you will easily be the best looking and
most educated person there. Every time.
-Sluts are people too.
-I think feet were God’s
first attempt at hands. Wasn’t nuts
about them. Slapped them on your ankles
and started over.
-Have you ever noticed how
similar the face of an orangutan and the face of a person with Downs Syndrome
look?
-Babies will never fully
appreciate porn.
-Midgets and retards are
living proof God has a sense of humor.
-Somewhere at this very
moment there is someone about to fart in a crowded elevator.
-The Tyrannosaurus Rex had no
way to scratch his balls.
-Men’s nipples serve no
purpose. Apparently they’re just for
show.
-The lifespan of a scotch
glass is dependent upon the potency of the drinker.
